02.13.14

I'm officially insane. Agta - yes, the folk tale monster - made me black out at work. The pitch was a disaster because I am losing my mind. Despite all the dreams, the bells, I wouldn't let myself think of him because it was just too ridiculous, but then he stared me in the face in the middle of the presentation and I lost it. It was almost like...no. I'm not going there. MADE-UP MONSTER, RENA.

I ruined everything. I was representing the whole company at this presentation and I'd only been there a year. That didn't make me friends...but that's not why I was there. I wanted this so badly, I was nailing it, I didn't even feel tired anymore...

Then at some point I looked at the scale model and...he was there, grinning. His skin was jet black, like polished leather. The tip of his cigar was hovering over the model.  And I fainted. I don't remember much except...deafening bells and getting into a cab, hysterical. I called a few minutes ago and said I wasn't coming back. I think I hung up on the receptionist by accident. They've called back a few times but I'm ignoring it. It's for the best.

A MADE-UP MONSTER. Who lives in a tree but smokes a cigar and is afraid of chickens. Well, the sound of chickens, whatever. So bizarre. Only the Philippines...can't even make up proper monsters. I humiliated myself out of my dream position and firm because of the freaking Boogeyman. What am I, 5 again???

PULL IT TOGETHER.

 
 OH NO WATCH OUT...IT'S YOUR IMAGINATION!!! RUN!

OH NO WATCH OUT...IT'S YOUR IMAGINATION!!! RUN!

 

Also. I finally called my mother back. I bought a one-way ticket, my flight's in two days, in time for...the funeral. I can't even say it aloud. Typing has been good for me. Somehow seeing the words is easier than saying them, even though you'd think it were the other way around. This way it's almost like it's not really coming from me.

None of this is me.